March 8, 2015

express checkout

I am in the middle of writing a blog post on infertility and I just remembered the most hilarious story…

During the first few years of our marriage, people often said, “So, do you have any kids?” in small talk.  
No,” I would always reply. “Not yet.”
Some of them, feeling especially brave or bored would follow up with, “Why?? 
Most often, I’d shrug my shoulders and mumble some benign response to appease them.  (We want to wait a while, travel, save money…. Blah blah blah!) But sometimes they would catch me right in the middle of a fertility treatment, hopped up on hormones and coffee, and I just couldn’t any more. 
Because I CAN’T!”
I said that three word sentence time after time. 

And then one day…

One day I was checking out at the grocery store.  Geneva scanned my People magazine, chocolate and six pack of Diet Coke, and began the dreaded dialogue.  After I answered, her hand paused over the register.  Well honey?” she tilted her head and thought a moment longer, looking puzzled. “Are you sure you’re doing it right?”  I stared at her, my mouth hanging open.  You know… “doing” it right.” she emphasized while shaking her hips.  (And just trust me on this one, Geneva’s hips DO NOT LIE!)

I learned something from Geneva, though.  First, avoid her aisle at ALL costs.  But also, unsolicited advice is a dangerous thing.  When given recklessly, it becomes a weapon. (or, at best, a terrible sight someone can never unsee.  ever)  So I try and refrain whenever I can.  I think most people are probably already the expert on their situation by the time I enter the conversation.

And also? I wish I could tell you she was the only one to say this to me.  Not true.  So, if you are saying this to random women you meet in the grocery store… STOP IT! 

Carry on.

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